In a dark time

I wanted to give you this position in my heart

But you weren’t flattered

You just did not understand

How I do not let just anyone in

How I do not let anyone at all

You didn’t know how dearly it means to me

It is life and death

How I was trying

To be happy again

You have failed me

I have failed myself

Yet again

i am not sure why

but 

i have been waiting

and waiting

hoping

that you would try

for the last

i knew you wouldn’t

but i am not sure what kept me waiting too

was it the fact that

i really wanted you

or the fact that

i thought you were my soulmate

i was just

not yours

How unfair

Some of us here

Get to feel more than others

Each and every cell would get worked out the same

And experience the same

Maybe that make us more…

Human I guess

Human a and human b

Human a are all those who feel less

They are the one that go

All out

To hurt

Because they don’t want to feel hurt

A facade they put on

Human b

All set to love

But gets betrayed

All the time

We see this coming

Love and hurt

Perhaps that is why we, human b, love

Love so much that we still love

Though the hurt

So that human a gets to do their role

Like

A system

A human system

I wonder what happens

When human a get exposed

Maybe they feel more pain afterall

Because it is their role

To do the hurt

To do it

To their only lover

So that

The human system

Continues

You know

You know what I mean

If this is truly the case

I would be human b

i couldn’t sleep

i stared out of the window

where the night shines

and saw the sky

whether day or night

the sky

always the same sort of calming 

i was listening to ryuichi sakamoto

him against the night sky

somewhat

relief

caught one million yen girl previously

i want to live like her

i will live like her

that film

such an inspiration

for people 

like her

like me

i need to do that

and wait

wait

for the world to find me

i have been typing

alot

lately

not sure why

not sure how

i haven’t been thinking alot

but

i guess

when i say i haven’t been thinking

i am 

actually thinking

whatever

i have been well

and 

fine

i sure hope i can make this right

wish bone

they remind me so much 

i stepped out of the picture

to only have seen

that part i have not

that part

during that period of time

how

you wanted so badly

to be apart of me

we got the same necklace

cheese

it doesn’t matter if that someone is still there

appearing on your news feed

in the street

cafe

book store

it doesn’t matter anymore

when they stop playing the role they used to

it is as though they are not there anymore

it is as though

they went missing

or disappear

died somewhere in between when you are still around

you never noticed

until they totally fate out

and

change into someone we strange we not know

we don’t know

anymore

this is a cruel world

we have all been brought here

for reasons unknown to us

some lived their entire life sad

others

happy

and yet those who are sad, grew sadder

the happy, obviously, appears happier

appears

they only appear happier

because the sad are sad only for they show

the ‘happy’

they are dying the aching inside

slowly craving 

and 

nobody knows

so tell me

isn’t being happy and sad

…

the same?

it is nice to have that freedom

of not knowing

all the mess

and complication

all the ugly mess i don’t want to know

And it turns out he is a fucking bad boy

And he knows it too well

I am disappointed

And disgusted

It would have been all well

You know

Lovers best friends

Whatever

But I mean

Why fool around when you know it would come a day you have to settle

Come on

Buddy

You are not a kid

But

A fucking grown man

Twice my kiddy age

And then

You fool me

This is an abuse!

This is a joke!

How come

I know when I have to settle

And you just keep fooling

You know girls would throw themselves at you

But should you know only 1 would be true

And

That would have been me

And again

How many of them would actually catch your eyes

You never thought about it

Have you?

Love and devotion

They don’t come cheap

You wouldn’t be able to find those values in everyone

No good things only comes to those who try

You think you can get the best of both

No you haven’t been thinking

Because

Perhaps god did not plan a soulmate in your entire life

And that

You would die old and alone

Have you given it a thought

Absolute no

Come to your senses

Don’t make a kid teach you that

Old man

Be wise

I can fuck around

I have a full tens ahead

And you

You should start building your fucking family

And not

Die of aids or something

Think hard old man

Think hard